Separation Anxiety

Whether we welcome it or not, the reality is that moms cannot be with their children twenty-four hours a day. The time comes to drop them off at MOPPETS, or in the church nursery, or at preschool or daycare. Separation can be difficult for both mom and child, but it is an important part of the growing up process.
If you or your child is exhibiting anxiety or having trouble settling into a new routine, try these suggestions to ease the transition:

• Visit his classroom together to meet his teacher and see where he will be staying.
• Plan to arrive at your child’s classroom a few minutes early, so that you’re not rushing when you say goodbye.

Find the rest of the article here. 

Help Children Overcome Fear by Julie Cantrell

July 1, 2013

Remember your child’s first step? First word? First tooth? Developmental milestones typically affect the family in a positive way; but as children begin to experience fear, the entire family can be traumatized.
Whether your child is afraid of the dark or of letting go of Mom, you can take simple steps to help your preschooler cope with fear.

1. Help children understand their feelings. The concept of fear can be difficult for young children to comprehend. Search for age-appropriate photos of people and animals. Explain that all of God’s creatures feel afraid sometimes. Once we remember that we are safe, those bad feelings will go away.
2. Shine some light on the subject. Even familiar objects can look scary in the dark. Examine your child’s room in light-vs.-night. Emphasize the fact that even though objects may look different, they are still the same. Give your child a flashlight. When something looks scary, shine the light on it to make the “scary go away!”
3. Learn about Jonah and Daniel. Those classic Bible stories remind us that God is with us everywhere. Help children remember that even when they feel alone, God is with them. Adhere glow-in-the-dark stars above your child’s bed as a reminder that God always watches over us.
4. Role play to help with separation anxiety. Take turns pretending to leave the house. Say “Bye. I’ll see you later!” and leave the room. Then come back in with a big smile and hug. Remind your child that when you say good-bye at school, church, or play dates, that you will always return.
5. Share happy thoughts. Before a scary situation, help your child focus on the positive by naming things that make you both happy. Take turns coming up with ideas such as running, snuggling, kittens, or friends.
6. Dare to dream. Engage your child in a positive discussion about dreams: “What are you going to be in your dreams tonight? I think I will be a mermaid. Or maybe Ill go on a dragon ride.” Build your child’s excitement as you focus on the fun of dreams. In the morning, always ask: “What did you dream?”

 Julie Cantrell served as the Just for Fun editor for MOMSense for many years and has written MOPS material for nearly a decade. She is the author of God is with Me through the Day and God is with Me through the Night (Zonderkidz), two picture books designed to help young children overcome fears such as nightmares and separation anxiety while building their faith in God. Learn more at: http://juliecantrell.wordpress.com

Travel-Less Summer Vacations

It’s summer—the season for family vacations. Where has all the time for planning a trip gone? If you have yet to make reservations and finances are tight, or if the memory of a past trip is giving you travel-anxiety, the solution may be to enjoy a travel-less vacation at home.

What is your ultimate vacation goal? Most parents with preschoolers look forward to a change of routine, a little relaxation, and a break from household duties. You can enjoy that much needed break with all the comforts of home and without traveling to a new locale.
As with any vacation, the first step involves planning. Scheduling your vacation-at-home activities ahead of time is crucial for three reasons:

1. So your precious time-off will not be consumed by everyday errands and chores
2. To give everyone the chance to discuss what they want to do, and to build some excitement about your time together
3. So that you have time to research special events, opening and closing times, and costs—just like any other vacation

A travel-less vacation offers the chance to see hometown sites and experience events that you rarely take time to enjoy, as well as to simply “decompress” at home. Check out your local map for new parks and “sites of interest,” call your chamber of commerce, and browse through the events section of the newspaper. Don’t hesitate to play tourist in your own town and visit the places “locals” avoid. If there’s no place like home for your family, invest in some games and play equipment to enjoy together, or choose from this list of travel-less things to do:

• buy a pass to the local pool or amusement park (indoor or outdoor)
• visit a hands-on children’s museum
• switch sleeping spots—camp out in your living room, porch, or backyard
• play at the best playground in town, followed by a picnic lunch
• attend an outdoor concert
• enjoy a treat at an ice cream parlor or drive-in restaurant
• play games outside early, then spend the afternoon reading and napping on a pile of pillows
• go someplace special like a museum, cave, butterfly house, or aquarium

Vacationing at home allows you to arrange outings and activities around your child’s schedule. But to make the most of your time off, decide ahead of time NOT to do laundry, answer the phone, clean the house, or pay bills, and try to fit as many meals out into your budget as possible. At the very least, use paper plates and disposable silverware when dining at home.
Enjoy the sights and activities your hometown has to offer. With a travel-less vacation you can get away from it all—while sleeping in your own bed and without having to pack up the kiddie gear.
Don’t forget to take pictures. You may remember this as the best time you’ve ever spent at home!

http://www.mops.org/travel-less-summer-vacations 

Woman and Depression

Women and Depression

Q: A lot of women in my MOPS group (including me) have struggled with depression — both postpartum and depression in general. What form of treatment do you recommend?
A: I empathize with you deeply, for I, too, have spent many sojourns down deep in the well of depression. When in that dark, isolated place, each of us needs someone to toss down a “rope” to help pull us out. That “rope” or treatment may come in the form of support from loved ones, the help of a counselor or mental health treatment with medications by a psychiatrist — or all the above! Your job is to let others know you need help and then grab onto the “rope” and hold on.
But getting out and staying out of the well are complicated by several issues — such as your type of depression, finding the combination of treatments most effective for you, having ongoing support from loved ones, plus sorting out what triggered your depression.
Why Moms Hide It
Unfortunately, guilt, embarrassment and fear make many moms hide their pain. Many women think depression is their fault, or fear that it shows they aren’t good mothers or good Christians. Others are embarrassed because their family does not understand and tells them, “Cheer up!” “Snap out of it!” Or they ask, “Why are you so sad? Life is not that bad!” But in truth, life is that bad for the very depressed.
Many moms don’t intentionally hide their depression. They don’t realize depression is what’s making their path so dark and their outlook so bleak. This is why we all need to know the symptoms of depression since it often takes a husband, relative or friend to enlighten and persuade a depressed woman to get help.
Signs and Symptoms
How depression “looks” varies widely, but most who are depressed show five or more of the following for at least two weeks:

• Sadness, unhappiness, tearfulness
• Sleeping excessively or being unable to sleep
• Loss of energy
• Loss of interest in things you previously enjoyed
• Irritability
• Difficulty thinking or concentrating
• Sudden change in appetite
• Physical discomfort
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Thoughts of suicide or death

Types and Causes
When you feel depressed, there’s a reason you feel as you do. The reasons vary widely from biochemical causes to situational causes. Often it’s a combination of causes that include:

• Hormone shifts. Postpartum, Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and perimenopause
• Biochemical imbalance — inherited or other cause. Depletion of brain chemicals
• Winter depression (known as S.A.D: Seasonal Affective Disorder). When sunlight levels drop, these women may need light therapy to balance brain chemicals
• Unresolved anger turned inward
• Your situation does not match your expectations
• Your needs are not being met. Sleep deprivation, other physical needs, emotional, mental and spiritual needs
• Issues from your own childhood that often emerge when you become a parent

Tailored Treatments
Since the causes of depression vary from biochemical to situational, and may be a combination, effective therapy may vary from medication to counseling to practical helps from family and friends with meals, naps and childcare assistance. The right treatment combination differs for each woman.
When there’s a biochemical imbalance, medication can be a lifesaver. Since various antidepressants differ in how they help your brain chemistry, your doctor may have to try a couple different meds to find the best medication for you. The right medication can make you feel “normal” again. Since some imbalances are temporary, many women only require medication for months. But please don’t stop medication abruptly or without your doctor’s OK.
In nearly all situations (even biochemical imbalance), some counseling is crucial to help uncover and treat the causes of the depression. Try to be open with loved ones about what you need or need to resolve. Feed your spirit with prayer, read the psalms and remember God IS with you.
Your Life Is Precious
No matter how horrible depression makes you feel, you are always worthy of help. Your mind may tell you lies — such as everyone would be better off if you were dead. But the truth is, your suicide would forever ruin the lives of those you love. Make a pact that suicide is NEVER an option, and promise you’ll call for help immediately if you have:

• Suicidal thoughts
• Plans to hurt your children
• Foreign “voices” in your head telling you to hurt yourself or others

Feeling suicidal is a sign that you need support and treatment, not that your life is beyond repair.
RESOURCES:

• American Psychiatric Association, General Resource: healthyminds.org
• National Institute of Mental Health: Women and Depression
• American Psychological Association: Women and Depression

Click Here to see how you can help other moms through depression.
Dr. Carrie Carter is a mother and national speaker on health issues. She served as a pediatrician for more than 10 years in San Diego, California, has been a regular contributer to MomSense magazine and wrote Mom's Health Matters.
The information in this article is only a guide. Please talk with your physician about any health concerns and before you start taking any medications.

The Father Factor

Q: How do my kids’ relationships with their father or another male role model affect how they approach relationships with their parents and others now and in the future?
A: It’s almost impossible to overestimate the importance of a father’s relationship with his kids or a trusted male role model who’s spending time with them. Second only to mom, dad ideally plays a critical role in the life of his child. Children with an involved, warm father at home, who is able to also discipline in love, are fortunate. There may not be a dad in the home or there might be an involved father who still spends time with his kids even though he lives elsewhere. In either case, a father figure, such as a grandfather, uncle, friend or neighbor who is loving and safe, can really help in this area.
Here are some key aspects of fathering and tips for involved men on how to accomplish these things:
Support mom. Mothers have a lot on their plate! They are the life-support system for their child. Their job is never done, and one of the best things a man can do is simply to help her. That can include anything from volunteering to cook and clean for her to making sure she gets a girls’ night out or just being a caring and listening ear. While supporting mom is not direct, one-on-one fathering time, children will reap the benefits of a happy mother. Our book, Raising Great Kids, provides a structure for complete parenting tools.
Provide love and limits. Fathers and involved men are to bring a balance of nurturing and structure to a child. Kids need to know they are accepted and loved. At the same time, they need to know how to obey and develop self-control. Alongside mom, a safe man connects emotionally and affectionately with the child and clarifies what kind of behavior is OK and what’s not OK. When a man steps up to the plates of bonding and boundaries, the child will feel safe and will know the appropriate rules as well.
Create healthy space between mom and her child. After about the first year of life, kids go through a developmental passage in which they form a separate identity from mom by formulating their own feelings, thoughts and perceptions. And the word “No” arrives! Dads and involved men are to help the child begin God’s process of carving out this identity (Genesis 2:24), which also is beginning now. Guys should spend some one-on-one time with a child, every day if possible. Giving the child a second and different source of connection from mom will help him or her to grow.
Challenge and empower. Dads and involved men are to gently push the child to take measured risks, stretch their abilities and get in touch with their power (but not so much that he or she runs the house!). Though moms provide challenges too, dads and involved men help balance out moms’ nurturance with their coaching. When her kid is climbing on the jungle gym, mom says, “Be careful.” And a male says, “Get to the top!” It’s a good rhythm for the child.
We salute dads and involved men! May their efforts to connect and challenge bear good fruit in the life of a child.

Drs. Cloud and Townsend are psychologists, leadership coaches and the authors of many books, selling over 5 million copies, including Raising Great Kids, Boundaries, Boundaries with Kids and Mom Factor — as well as the hosts of the syndicated national radio program “New Life Live."

Keeping Kids Safe

by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

July 10, 2013

Q: How do I keep my preschoolers safe during activities this summer because they’re more likely to wander when we’re outside, and they also have more opportunities to talk to strangers?

A: This is a good question probably year-round and not just during the summer months. But summer does provide one huge difference, which is the best way to think about this problem. The difference is that built-in structure goes away during summer.
During the school year, preschoolers often spend some part of the week in structured activities that take care of this safety issue. But in the summer, most programs have ended. So, the question really becomes, “What kind of structure will keep my children safe?”
In Galatians 4, Paul uses two words when he’s speaking of parenting: guardian and manager. Those two functions are what kids need all the time, so think of it this way: Guard your kids from the things that they cannot guard themselves from and manage their behavior and development along the way.
In terms of guarding, there are three big things to think about: space, activities and people.

1. Kids need to be in protected spaces, where they cannot wander away. So, fences or supervision are always needed with preschoolers. Make sure you choose fenced-in yards or have someone there watching them at all times.
2. Pick play areas and activities that are safe, where they won’t be pushing the limits of their abilities. 
3. Don’t leave preschoolers in places where strangers could approach them without supervision. Even though they should already be learning not to talk with strangers, do not leave them alone in parks or other places. They are too young.

In terms of the “managing” aspect, use these times to look ahead to see what would happen when you’re not there with your kids. Around age 3 to 4, tell your children what the rules are at the play area, then step back where you’re not visible and watch what happens. If they go out of the space, or do things they’re not supposed to or talk to people they shouldn’t, use those times as learning moments.
Give them a time-out from play to teach them that they cannot do those things if they want to have the freedom to play and have fun. Make the time-out meaningful by having them sit down by themselves and watch everyone else play and have fun. Then ask them to tell you what they did wrong and how they’re going to do it differently next time.
Managing your kids instead of nagging and correcting them will lead to children whose boundaries for space, activities and people can get bigger and bigger as they learn to manage themselves. (See our book, Boundaries With Kids, for more on this topic.)
Now, lest all of this seems too labor-intensive, remember: It takes a village. Summer is a great time to get a group of your friends together and plan play dates so that everyone gets blocked-out times off while your buddies are watching the kids. No need for you to be working all the shifts!

Drs. Cloud and Townsend are psychologists, leadership coaches and the authors of many books, selling over 5 million copies, including Raising Great Kids, Boundaries, Boundaries with Kids and Mom Factor — as well as the hosts of the syndicated national radio program “New Life Live."

Fun Tidbits

From weknowmemes.com.

July 10 playdate canceled.

Hey ladies,  unfortunately due to low attendance on playdates we will be canceling the next one at Gilson beach onJuly 10. If you have any questions regarding this please contact us via email or reply to this post.  Sorry and hope to see you all at the next playdate!